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December 10, 2006



Sunset Blvd. 3-something aye-em. Walking fast, it’s cold, it’s raining, just trying to get back to the hotel room unscathed.

“Ay! Ay! Ay, bitch, you’re in violation for reckless eyeballing a pimp!”

My internal monologue said “Is this m’fucka for real? I have on Airwalk sneakers, khaki cargo pants, and a black t-shirt that says “Silence is Golden…Duct Tape is Silver” across the front. My eyes are done up, but there's no lipstick, blush, facepaint, none of that shit on my grillpiece. And I'm with bright blue hair, pinned up in a chignon with silver & rhinestone butterfly clips. Carrying a camo XXXL men’s coat from the Army Navy Surplus. And this fool thinks I’m some fukken whore.”

He kept talking, so I finally did look at him out of the corner of my eye. Very, very pretty man. Beautiful black sleek wavy hair in a ponytail…no perms for this guy. Nice lamb coat. So he looks like a smooth operator but spits like Mr. Gorilla Pimp-of-the-Year?

I can feel him coming up behind me, I can sense him over my shoulder. Too many oncoming cars for me to get to the other side of the street. Ah, fuck it.

“Check this out, homes, I’m not a whore. I don’t have to follow any of your “rules”,” I casually commented over my shoulder, direct yet not sharp in tone.

So I kept it moving, swinging my hips and diddy-bopping way more than I ever normally walk. Sassy! Those cars were finally clear and I made it across the street. Halfway into the intersection I tuned back into pimpn’s nonstop gutter monologue.

“Well Baby I see you hip to the game, you need to come see ‘bout some of this pimp’n over here, you’ve seen the rest come see the best…” Yada, yada, yada. I was finally out of earshot.

Little does he know, he can hardly handle any of this funkrock right here regardless. And if I ever were to become a whore, he’d be the second-to-last man in the world I’d choose.

But it’s nice to know the money’s out there for the making, taking and breaking if times ever get so rough that it’ll never happen, so don’t you worry ‘bout a thing. Earthbody wise all the time on mines ninety-nine kinds of Civilized.

So XO to the next hoe,

Down and Gone

Miranda Jane, walking faster than your average pimp…>