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July 06, 2005

Trillions and Trillions Sizzerved

Ronald McDonald & the Hamburgler Max and Relax at Hot Import Nights...>

* UPDATE, there will be no "PhatDonald's" - "Not only is it not true, I'm not in talks with them [McDonalds]. I'm a vegan! It goes against my principles. I don't eat anything that runs away from me. I'm going to have to issue a rebuttal about this." - Russell Simmons

I need some help. Just when I think that co-opting of Hip Hop, Rap and all things "urban" can't go any further, sink any lower, or become anymore ridiculous; I'm proven wrong. After using Doug E. Fresh in advertisements a couple years back, McDonalds marketing department is gunning for us with a nickel-plated burner once again...this time, they plan to make their uniforms "more hip". Even my mother no longer says this word...hip. Now, I'm not mad at Steve Stoute (get that money Steve! holla @ me if you need another consultant at Translation, I'm the best plus I guarantee fucking with me you'd never get hit in the head with a bottle again in life...)

"To spearhead the uniform project, the world's largest restaurant chain has hired Steve Stoute of New York-based brand imaging firm Translation, Whitman said. Stoute, a former record executive, is responsible for hooking up rapper Jay-Z with Reebok International Ltd. (NYSE:RBK - news) and has worked with McDonald's previously on its partnerships with performers Justin Timberlake and Destiny's Child. According to Stoute, talks are underway with some of the world's best-known clothing labels, including Sean "P. Diddy" Combs' Sean John label, Polo Ralph Lauren Corp. (NYSE:RL - news), Giorgio Armani, hip hop mogul Russell Simmons' Phat Farm label, American Eagle Outfitters Inc. (Nasdaq:AEOS - news), Abercrombie & Fitch Co. (NYSE:ANF - news), Rocawear, and Tommy Hilfiger."

I'd bet good money that Stoute will finalize negotiations and roll with Sean John, Phat Farm, or The Roc. Next thing you know, you'll walk into McDonalds one day soon and instead of muzak piped through tinny speakers, you'll hear a Hip Hop soundtrack coming through a state-of-the-art speaker system installed to maximize your Hip McDonald's Experience. Lord have mercy. But the motherfathers still won't make a damn veggie burger, or serve fruit juice anytime after breakfast. I know, "Mickey Dee's" isn't the spot for healthful eats...but at least sometime in the near future its employees will be rocking the fresh fly gear. Word to Ronald.


At 7:57 AM, Anonymous rae said...

now that you are back in full effect, i check your blog every am... so on mcd.. they have a new kids "healthy" option - apple dippers. they are DISGUSTING! it's green apple slices with caramel. tiana is going more healthy. she ordered them and screamed, literally, when she bit into the first apple piece. holy perservatives. it's straight bag lunches and baggies of snacks in my purse for those days we are running.

At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Rafi said...

Hey McDonald's has a long love affair with hip and has been co-opting hip-hop since I was only yay high.

Not that there's anything wrong with that

At 4:22 PM, Blogger Fresh said...

Now everyone is going to wear their uniforms to the jump off.

At 11:10 PM, Anonymous mohamed said...

no, but seriously... does anyone actually think kids will want to wear their mcdonalds clothes outside?

and also... after a shift over the frier... does anyone really think those clothes will be wearable outside?

and one last thing... you think the old people that work their in the day time, when teh younger employees are at work will have to wear those uniforms also!? If so I think this will be great... 50plus white women and men wearing saggy, baggy pants, and a hoodie or whatever top that is "hiphop" enough to make it, is going to be hillarious.

At 11:11 PM, Anonymous mohamed said...

i meant when the younger employees are at school not work.

At 10:28 AM, Blogger MJ said...

I'm with Fresh, they'll probably pay extra to have two uniforms, one for when they're "on fries" and another super-clean for them to rock to the spot after they mop and get off. YIKES.

At 11:45 AM, Blogger MJ said...

RAE that sounds totally gross. Remember I was clownin the fruit jump-off with the apples, walnuts and jogurt? I'm saying, cut apples brown unless you put a little lemon on them, and even then, they're not going to stay fresh too long. YES, fresh fruits, baby carrots, fruit leather, dry fruit, nuts, jelly sandwich on whole wheat (try the 100% fruit jelly from whole foods, no sugar added) are the move! I miss you guys, kiss T for me.


At 2:35 PM, Anonymous mohamed said...

...but really... Ronald is STUTTIN in that picture... peep the pose!!

At 1:13 PM, Blogger DVD said...

Wonder what Calvin is up to these days? I bet he's behind all this hip hop stuff. I mean he got that first job (from the commercial) when we were in high school, by now, he's probably moved up the ladder (you guys remember how ambitious Cool Cal was!)and into the corporate HQ. He's the spook that sat in the drive thru! He's workin the system to make it geared toward us! Go Calvin!! I see you big dog!

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