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September 03, 2006

An Unrequited Love / A Lust Unresolved

I remember the way you looked at me the first time we met.
I remember feeling the same way. Together we left it unsaid.

Years passed. We reconnected, in a sense. I remember the first meal I cooked for you. Jerk Chicken, Mofongo, Plantano Dulce, Yellow Rice, Black Beans, Smothered Cabbage. I remember the way you looked at me while you were eating that plate.

Years passed. I saw your face in my dreams, your photograph in a magazine, your image on the television screen, your music came through my stereo speakers, even though it was few and far between.

Years passed. I had a chance to learn your ways. You told me I was an angel. I cooked breakfast, lunch, dinner and breakfast. You thanked me. I was honored.

I remember the smell of garlic cooking would bring you running to the kitchen, just to stop and check me out. I reminisce on feeding you those meals. I think back at the times we touched, ever so briefly, the time we kissed each other's cheek.

Sitting at the table, I felt you standing behind me, but I didn't turn your way. When you reached over and touched a lock of my hair, your fingers brushed the nape of my neck. It made my heart leap in my chest, and it made me jump in the chair. You told me at that moment, I'm sorry, I would never want to touch you wrong. My eyes held back tears, and I said nothing, my thoughts louder than a bomb. "Don't open the doors to heaven, if you won't let me in."

I remember walking by the room where you lay on the couch, just barely asleep. To look at your face in that moment was to see a perfect angel, fallen to earth, in the form of a man. The first time you ever saw my face made-up was in that room. I came around the corner, our eyes met, and you did a double take. You always thought I was beautiful, at that moment you knew.

I remember when you told your child to make sure that I didn't leave. I would never have left, had you asked me to stay. Especially if you had asked without speaking.
I remember talking about our Grandparents, and family, and the uselessness of bitches, and the possibility of the meaning of life. You always asked about my Mother. You're the only one I could ever have brought home to her, even though without having seen you she told me to watch out for you.

Now it's only what I recall. The day you picked me up. The night you brought me home. Neither one of us wanted to part. I couldn't be the one to make the first move. You wouldn't ask me to stay with you. Deep down, aside from all the flirtatiousness, all your women, you're still that young, shy boy. So I leaned over and kissed you on the cheek, I didn't know it was the last time. (Is it the last time? When I pray, I pray that it wasn't.)

All I have is these memories to keep me faithful. Before you came along my heart was cold. You showed me I could love again. In you, for the first time in my life, I truly saw my reflection. It was a revelation to me. I'll never forget you.

You made me feel brand new. The love we (almost) had stays on my mind. You must have put a spell on my mind, I'm (still) under your power. I found love on a two wa street, but lost it on a lonely highway. It was just like heaven being there with you, you are like an angel, too good to be true...but after all, I love you, I do. My sunshine has faded away, baby.

The light shot diamonds from your eyes. I'm in the wilderness, you're in the music in the man's car next to me. You could see it in my pride, and the raven in my eyes. You tried to show me a better way...I didn't know what I'd been missing. When you spoke to me (with your eyes) I was always listening. No place for beginners or sensitive hearts. Sentiment is left to chance. No need to ask.

His eyes are like angel's.

But his heart is ... cold.


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