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July 29, 2006

KEEP ON MOVING (the time will come for the rain)

Los Angeles. Hot summer night in the city. Insomnia squeezes, but it don't choke. Back II Life acapella in the headphones. I'm down, take a look around. Sirens blend in the background...187? 211? 2:40, the beat finally drops in. However do you want me? How (ever) do you need me?
Flashback to the basement club in Minneapolis - Stage One used to play this cut sometimes. I was so happy just to walk to the club at night by myself. Listen. Then walk home alone. Solitary refinement.
Flash further back to NYC. Tuesday nights, Bar XVI, Evil Dee and Mr. Walt. It was just a little hole in the wall. Same shit, hope over the Williamsburg bridge by myself, walk in the spot, kick back. Listen. Go home alone.
This year I feel like I'm wasting away inside this house, my youth is slipping away from me, and I can feel it. Steady, are you ready?
Flash way back to 1989. When I was with Stephan. When we were in love. When he was still alive. My first time hearing Soul II Soul I was with him. Why when I was 15 did I have love, a man, a car, and a home? I don't have any of those today. Cold fresh air, feel the melody that's in the air.
I know why Stephan and I broke up. But I'll never know what made him tie a noose for himself, or take that last slip into darkness. I'll always wonder. What made me strong enough to carry on? Even after so much has gone wrong for me, after the bottom has dropped out of my life time and time again...I'm still here.
I live at the top of the block, there's no more room for anything more. I'll state my name, my claim to fame. Look, it's more writing on the wall. Tell me...however, do you want me? I wonder?

Back to life? Back to reality.


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