FAME CITY...random thoughts from the domeIt's Sunday morning, mad early, I'm watching videos and surfing the internets. This is another one of these posts where I'm just talkin some shit that's on my mind. So bear with me.
These past couple months I've been going back to my junior high days, in a lot of ways. Lacing the trains with mixtapes, posters, flyers...Angeles has given me something to ride for, in a real way.
I visited with my moms and her husband yesterday in Santa Monica, they're hella cool and there's no wack juice residue left from the day she kicked me out of the house when I was just a teen. After all, what didn't kill me made me stronger.
I've been struggling with going back to younger days without reverting to bad habits. There are a couple of boys on speed dial on my cell phone(s) and I'm trying to hold them to a higher standard at 31 than I did at 13. One is an old flame from more than a decade ago; I'm just trying to hold him off until we both get our shit together, then come what may. The other is a new jack I met driving to work, but he definitely rocks the style of an old-school O.G. ex-old-man of mine. I have to force myself not to call him anymore until he pours a tall glass of act-right juice for himself.
Thinking about what I want versus what I need, a lot. I need a car, but I want a Lamborghini. The cold part is I'm riding ex amount of buses, trains, and other peoples vehicles. I need a husband, 'cause I want children, but the reality of the situation is I spent yet another weekend for dolo, spent one night at my auntie's house and last night came home to San Gabriel. No clubs, no parties, no dates, no dancing, no chillin, no drinkin, no smoking...just me living right and holding out for something more. Maybe Sexy-Ass will give me a holla...but same shit with him, is he what I need, or just a fine m'fucken example of what I want?
I ain't 'Hov, I just know what I know. I'm not taking shorts this time around. I'm not jumping on the first thing smoking. I have mad criteria for what has to happen for every situation to be good; and I'm making sure the needs are met. I've been up and I've been down. I've been rich and I've been poor. I've loved and lost. I've more than paid the cost. I've carried Hip Hop on my back, and the world on my shoulders. I've faced the hardest times you could imagine...and many times my eyes fought back the tears. I've waited, patiently, for years and years. But every winter was a war, and it still is, so I've got to get what's mine. When I make love, it's got to be like the Mardi Gras. And when the love thing is sorted out, it has to be a certain kind of way, 'cause I feel a certain kind of way about it.
When it goes down, it has to go like this - every day...Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/Ramadan, and every night...New Years Eve.
Live from Love Allah... Miz Miranda Jane