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May 24, 2005

Sex Degrees of Separation (Dreams of Catching Dubs)

Milk + Ice Cream =
Creamy, Dreamy, Frothy blended sensation =
brings all the boys to the yard...>

NEW SHIT...Check the link & the original Milkshake visuals right...chea

Most of the time, sicko psychos sic their cats/dogs on haters and perpetrators; sometimes they drop cyclical elliptical references bordering on the obscure. Then there's that whole kevin bacon thing (nh, jic).

When I worked at the sauce, I had a son in the ad department. We'll call him Jay Dub. He was the whitest of white boys, and proud of it. He also loved Hip Hop with all his heart and soul, and proceeded to be the most knowledgable
3H (Hip Hop Head) second only to myself in residence at 215 park avenue south. One night, during a particularly harsh and wack "closing" we were all working so late it was early, I stumbled upon a strange, curious, fabulous, and immaculate website called Catchdubs. Looking for information on P-Diddy's bro-hawk, I clicked a Kelis link and found a version of the Milkshake video you won't see on cable (which is now unfortunately a dead link, http://www.beyondourreality.com/kelis.mov). Not the wack one filmed in my former Williamsburg weekend brunch spot Relish, with Nas as the sexy line cook. The one where Kelis had milkshake all over her like a western version of Bukake.

It was like Whoa. I showed the video to all my doggies -- jay dub, the grown & sexy
F.E.D.S. Magazine homies, Gotti, Boogie, Tory. All had a newfound respect for me, I was already so super-cool in their eyes - but somehow me turning them on to a scantily clad Kelis, dripping with vanilla milkshake, shaking her not-so-little thang-thang on top of a bouncing lowrider...well, it changed my office status somewhat. After a few days, even the lovely ladies of the sauce were coming up to me askin' that burning question..."MJ, where's the link to that Kelis video?" Catchdubs, ladies, Catchdubs.

I had a dream a while back, one of those dreams where you wake up in the dream, but in fact you're still dreaming and asleep? When I woke up (but not really) I was Kelis, and I was asleep and having a nightmare that I was sexing up a not particularly attractive white magazine publisher. Then I (Kelis) woke up, turned over in bed, snuggled a little closer to my incredibly handsome, sexy fiance
NASIR JONES, and went back to sleep to dream of milkshakes in a rainbow of flavors. Then I (Miranda) woke up like whoa. WHOA.

So today I got an IM from
FWMJ, my new favorite person, who's been loyally reading my blog after getting turned on to Pyramids 2 Projects by young I.D. at Hieroglyphics Imperium. In passing, he mentioned he'd read the Madvillainy post on CATCHDUBS via a link to my site. With the exception of finding out that two of my favorite authors (yes, people who write and publish books, tomes, literature, biographies, BOOKS!) are also "readers" of P2P; and that my mentor is reading, albeit less than weekly {and is he retiring a la Jay Z to let a young, up and coming, HOT blogger like myself hold The Roc??}...the discovery of the fact that I've been mentioned on Catch Dubs is one of the high points of my career thus far. All night I've been alternating between "I need a pet cheetah," and "OHMIGOD, I'm on Catchdubs!!".

Then it got deep. Jay Dub vamped out from the sauce and headed to
The Fader quite some time ago. Turns out Nick, of Catchdubs Fame, works there as well? Well, well, well...I'll be damned. I read something that said Doom said Kelis is one of his best friends. One of MY best friends, Tragedy Khadafi, has a son/sun/thun named Nas from QB; whom unfortunately I've never met although I once saw him get jacked for his chain at a concert in SF a la P-Yayo's Chain Ripping Episodic... Plus, even more likely than the Jon Faddis/Buell Neidlinger collabo Madlib and I guessed about is the extreme possibility that my "daddy" also jammed at some point with Mr. Olu Dara Jones.

I've also met Yasmin, who often does Kelis' hair, through mutual friends of ours, loyal Sneaker Pimp'n partygoer Courtney (Royce 5'9"s sister) and Talib Kweli. She liked my
piece, so I gave her the hookup to order her own. Designed by KEL 1st - a coincedence, you say? Kelis, KEL 1st...I think not. I'll visit Brooklyn again soon and get some braids from homegirl - who does a mean, mean weeve - and possibly I'll just happen to bump into Kelis. And I love the gal (no lesbo), think she's a peach, dig her music, love her Chinese-Jamaicanness, and don't even begrudge her marriage to the former love of my life, Mr. Illmatic. But still, we both B-Girls, so if we bump heads we'll have to set it off, and battle it out. All skills to the yard.

It's the only way to show and prove, for all time, that my Milkshake is indeed better than Hers.
And even if I lose, please believe that my Milkshake remains...better than yours.

* another degree... I explained, dear readers, how I discovered catchdubs seeking puffy/diddy's elusive Mr. T-inspired mohawk. So boom, at Kelis' listening session (replete with free milkshakes in strawberry, chocolate AND vanilla {Star Trak/Arista PR Department rocks) they played a track that didn't make the album. It was produced by Diddy and curiously sampled a 90s classic by Souls of Mischief, produced by my favorite producer's favorite producer, Adam 7 (A-Plus). Pooofy didn't sample the sample, he sampled the SOM banger. I mentioned this in my Kelis review for the sauce...but when the album dropped it was sans this track, thus cloaking from the de(a)f, dumb & blind the degree of Pharrell-Kelis-Diddy.Bop-A-Plee/SOM/Hiero. This now concludes 360 degress of Milkshake...back to our regularly scheduled program, How'd We Get From the Pyramids 2 the Projects.


At 9:40 AM, Anonymous samwell said...

good luck

At 10:54 PM, Blogger Mr. Babylon said...

Yo MJ, I can't find your email anywhere on the site. If you want, hit me at misterbabylon at gmail.

At 11:05 PM, Blogger Hot Grrrl said...

hey grrrl, so now where can i find the infamous kelis link?

At 8:31 PM, Blogger MJ said...

HOT GRRRL I added an explanation to this post - the link is now-defunct so I have no clue how to find this HOT HOT HOT video... I guess it's only a memory now.


At 10:49 AM, Blogger MJ said...

See the top of the post, I updated and the video is archived at the link above on www.verbalisms.com


At 6:25 PM, Blogger DVD said...

oooh weee! I just saw the video, which wasn't doing all that much more for me until her dress started blowing up, then the vanilla milkshake on her legs as she licks it off of her arm, and the bouncing on the trunk of the 6-4! Yeah, they probably got a call from the parent company to StarTrak to tone it down. (and of course send copies of the original video to the old, white, male board members for further umm...investigations) Although it seems like they could've just edited it differently if that was the problem. Perhaps creative differences with the original director? I don't know, just guessing.


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