Happy Birthday to Me
Don't Bother Counting The Candles, Yo...>
So right 4 pm on this day in 1974, my moms gave birth to a 9 pound, 6 ounce baby girl. I was born at home, there was a party with my aunties and my pops, and friends. Everybody got blazed, my mama was in pain, and I got born. They named me Miranda Jane, I've often been told by some of those old folks that it was a euphamism for Marijuana. Flash forward to today, it's a trip, both of my folks are married (to other people, of course) and they're probably somewhere smoking their matching pipes (the only thing I ever noticed my parents had in common), getting high off some for-real ganja these young bucks know nothin' about. And I don't even smoke trees anymore.
There's flashes of lightning and thunder outside, reminding me Mother Nature is still in full m'fucken e-f-f-e-c-t. GangStarr's on BET, reminding me Hip Hop ain't dead, these brrrrritches is just skerrred. Ain't nothin' changed but the weather.
Well, maybe a few things. This time last year, I had so many acquaintances, I didn't have any friends. I threw a huge party for my Earth Day, mad stars in the house, spot full to capacity...only one thing - I wasn't at my own party. Yeah, I was at home laid up with _ _ _ _ _. Not making love, mind you, just watching him sleep while I dealt with my insomnia and middle-age by crying silent tears.
Now this year, I'm not giving a party. Just having dinner with a couple of friends and my favorite little 7-year-old girl in the world (that's Ti Ti). It's doubtful that any of my folks will remember it's my birthday, family included, as anything other than a passing thought. But as always, I'll give them all a pass. After all, they're still on some short-term-memory-loss, even if I'm not.
Wow, it's pouring rain outside, ya'll. Lightning...waiting for the thunder now. There it is.
So I don't expect much for my birthday. I definitely haven't asked anyone for anything. But I DO have a wishlist. I'm sure I've sparked your curiousity. Without further ado, and in no particular order...
1. A great job that I love that pays like it weighs, where the paychecks never bounce, or
2. For the man upstairs to take care of what it'd take for those inheritance checks to start
3. To wake up one day and be sitting in the Oakland Hills watching Souls of Mischief film the '93 til Infinity video
4. Go to chef school and start my own food-related business
5. Be the voice of Kelly G.'s conscience and make him program only positive/dope Hip Hop videos on BET
6. Have a beautiful man who I can trust, who truly loves only himself, his mama, me, and his children; and who cheats on me only when the urge is too strong to avoid, and only by jacking off on some bitch
7. Go to heaven to see my Grand Old Earth, my cousin Vee, and my ex-old man PROBLEM K.I.L., 'cause I miss them half to death
8. For my father to realize what an amazing daughter I am
9. Everyone who's done me harm to feel the wrath of Karma
10. All my good deeds to come back unto me ten-fold
11. Have a big bookshelf full of all the books that've been borrowed/stolen from me in life
12. Open every cell in Attica, San Quentin, Stillwater, and every bing in between
13. Paint the white house black
14. Come back as Isis
15. Take the needle from my cuz's hand right before he shot up that O.D.
16. Go back in time and not have an abortion
17. Move to Cuba, or liberate Puerto Rico from amerikkka and move there instead
18. Learn how to speak French-Kriyol so I could understand some of the people I care about most in life, in their own language
19. Start a Hip Hop magazine where all the writers, editors, photographers and staffers are 18 years old or younger
20. Teach these bitches that you can't own a man (or even rent one)
21. Know why the caged bird sings
22. Finally write one of these books I've started working on
23. Rob from the rich and give to the poor
24. Start a new record label and bring Roxanne Shante out of retirement
25. Record a few of these hundreds of songs I've written in the past 20 years
26. Learn the truth about all things that've been concealed from me, then teach it to others
27. Eat to Live every day
28. Offer something back, physically or spiritually, to all of my teachers past and present, physical and spiritual
29. Tell my mother I love her
30. Breathe again
31. Be thankful for what I've got
It's my party... I'll cry if I want to.