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October 18, 2006

LAS SCANDALOUS '06 STYLE





IT STARTED OFF AS A NORMAL, EVERYDAY WEEKEND IN L.A. TAKA-BOO SWOOPED BY THE CRIB TO PICK ME UP, SHE HAD THE GIRLS, THEY WANTED TO SEE THE BUTTERFLIES AT THE NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM. BET.
SO WE HIT THE CORNER AND MADE OUR WAY SOUTHEAST. THE CLOSER WE GOT TO THE MUSEUM, THE MORE BURGUNDY AND GOLD WE STARTED TO SEE. NO, IT WASN'T A BUNCH OF WAYWARD BLOODS ROCKING KOREAN-SWAP-MEET CHAINS AND MEDALLIONS...IT WAS THE OTHER RED & GOLD MEAT. THE UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CENTRAL. TROJANS, THAT IS. SO 'CAUSE OF THE COT-DAMN FOOTBALL LUNACY, NOT ONLY WERE THE GIRLS CRYING 'CAUSE THEY WEREN'T GOING TO GET TO SEE THE DAMN BUTTERFLIES; ME AND TAKA-BOO STARTED SEEING THESE OUT-FUCKING-RAGEOUS SIGNS FOR PARKING. $40 PARKING. $65 PARKING. THEN, THE MOST STUPID SHIT I'VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME, $80 PARKING. SEE, WE EVEN TOOK A PICTURE.

OH BUT WAIT, IT AIN'T OVER, YOU M'FUCKAS. ON OUR WAY BACK MORE NORTH AND WEST TO THE OTHER MUSEUM, THE LACMA SHIT, WE HIT THE GAS STATION ON CRENSHAW AND VENICE. THE OFF-BRAND ONE WITH THE CHEAP-ASS GAS. I WENT IN TO PAY, AND I NOTICED A SIGN TAPED ABOVE THE BULLET-PROOF-GLASS ENCRUSTED LICKASTOWE CASH REGISTER. THE SIGN HAD TWO SURVEILANCE PHOTOS AND IT READ "WANTED FOR BEER THEFT PLEASE CALL L.A.P.D.". LOOK, I EVEN TOOK A PICTURE OF IT. I WANTED TO STEAL THE SIGN SO DAMN BAD, SO I COULD COME BACK INCOGNITO AND SEE THE SIGN OF THE PRINTED-OUT SURVEILANCE PHOTOS OF ME STEALING THE BEER-THEFT SIGN READING "WANTED FOR BEER THEFT SIGN THEFT, PLEASE CALL L.A.P.D.".

BUT IT'S NOT '92 ANYMORE, I'M NOT OUT ROLLING WITH BIG CUERVO AND BIG LEFTY IN THE REGAL OR THE MALIBU CLASSIC. TAKA-BOO IS OUTSIDE WITH HER BABIES IN THE STATION WAGON, AND I HAVE A PLAIN OLD REGULAR JAY-OY-BEE I HAVE TO BE AT EVERY MORNING BEFORE 9 A.M.

ANYWAY, I DIGRESS. WE FINALLY GOT TO LACMA AND THE FASHION EXHIBIT WAS NOT THAT BULLSHIT. EVEN MEN WERE LOVING THE DRESS DESIGNS. WE SPOTTED THE GNARLIEST HIPSTER-BOY T-SHIRT EVER - IT READ "THE EGO HAS LANDED" WITH SOME FRED PERRY OLIVE-BRANCH DESIGNS AND A TINY LITTLE EAGLE LOGO. KILLER, FO'SHO.
THEN ON THE CORNER OF WILSHIRE AND FAIRFAX, IN THE OTHER LACMA PART THAT USED TO BE O.G. ORBACH'S (WHAT YA'LL KNOW ABOUT THAT, ZODY'S AND OKI-DOG?!) WAS THE BEST MUSEUM EXHIBIT EVER. THERE WAS ALL KINDS OF GRAFFITI, AUTHENTIC AND OTHERWISE, REPRESENTING L.A.

IN GLASS CASES THERE WERE STRANGE EXAMPLES OF GRAF PARAPHENALIA, AND THERE WAS A TV SHOWING FOOTAGE OF THE BELMONT TUNNEL BEING DESTROYED BY BULLDOZERS OWNED BY THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES. I SPOTTED MY BIG CUZZO'S HOMIE HYDE K.G.B. IN THE VIDEO WATCHING THE CARNAGE.

SO WHILE THE GIRLS MADE COLLAGES, AND TAKA-BOO CHOPPED IT UP WITH WHO-KNOWS-WHOM ON THE CELLIE; I TOOK A FEW MOMENTS TO GRAB A MARKER AND PUT UP ALL THE HOMIES FROM L.A. WHO REPPED IT AS GRAF ARTISTS AND MCS AND DJS AND BBOYS; AND WHO ARE RESTING IN PEACE. I PUT UP BIGGA B TOO 'CAUSE HE ALWAYS SUPPORTED THE CULTURE.

WHEN I THINK OF ALL THOSE NAMES - G-NICE K.I.L., SK8 C.B.S., BIGGA B, DJ ROB ONE, PROBLEM K.I.L., SCOUT ONE K.G.B., AND DJ DUSK - I HAVE SO MANY MEMORIES, GOOD AND BAD, BUT NONE OF THEM, NOT ONE, WAS A GANGBANGER. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE HAVE ATTENDED THIS EXHIBIT, BUT I HOPE THEY GLEANED THE CORRECT LESSON FROM IT, WHICH IS THAT GRAFFITI IS AN ART FORM, TAGGERS SHOULDN'T BE VILLAINIZED, AND NOT EVERYONE WITH A CAN OF PAINT OR A PAIR OF BROWNIES ON IS OUT TO KILL YOU OR SNATCH YOUR POCKETBOOK.

ANYWAY, THE L.A. I KNEW AND LOVED AIN'T DEAD. THE HOMIES AREN'T DEAD, THEY CAN'T BE, THEY'RE JUST IN ANOTHER REALM RIGHT NOW, PARTYING HARD. I CAN ALMOST HEAR THEM BUMPING EGYPTIAN LOVER AND THE L.A. DREAM TEAM. I CAN ALMOST SMELL THE KRYLON FUMES (HEY, MAN, WE AIN'T HAD NO MONTANA BACK THEN!).

I LOVE IT HERE AND I'M IN NO RUSH TO LEAVE THIS PLACE, BUT I'M READY IF I DON'T GET TO GO. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU CORNBALL BO-HIPSTER-HO FASHIONISTA BITCHES IN YOUR CUSTOM KICKS AND THE GEAR YOU BOUGHT AT A-LIFE POP $1200 BOTTLES AT THE CLUB AND DJ AM IS ON THE WHEELS OF STEEL, POUR OUT SOME OF THAT FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO GAVE THE STYLE TO THE PEOPLE YOU BOUGHT THE STYLE FROM...OR I WILL SNATCH YOUR POCKETBOOK.
THIS IS FASHIONISTA ASSASSINA RIGHT HERE. O.G. L.A. TO THE HEART. DOWN AND GONE.
- LA MUNECA

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